It is November 29th, 2017....just in case you live under a rock, have no technological device, or way to access this information.
I've been working as a music therapist for about a year and a half. I started this blog when I was in internship. Obviously, I'm really bad at blogging- hahaha
Anyways, during that year and a half I was in a really unhealthy relationship. I don't know why I am talking about it here, I guess you could say this counts as a sort of online diary...that everyone can read. But I want people to know my story so they do not go down the same path I did.
I feel that in today's world there is so much pressure to be in a relationship that if you are not in one you are a failure or something. Don't get me wrong, relationships are wonderful things to be in if it is a positive healthy relationship that allows for growth and development. However I think society wants things to rush so quickly these days and unfortunately thats exactly what happened to me.
New relationships (romantic or otherwise) are exciting and can be very fun, but should be nurtured like a seedling. Each person plants roots in your life and you don't want to fertilize it and water it so much that you can't even tell what kind of plant you're getting.
I was almost in a relationship for a whole year (that would be my longest, thank you very much) I gave the guy WAY too many second chances to redeem himself from things he would say or do. I was an emotional wreck and I gained a lot of weight because he was not into eating healthy and well, I'm an emotional eater.
I was not happy and I would frequently call my parents or friends in tears because of something that he said or did. Why I didn't see that as a red flag before, I don't know. In hindsight I shouldn't have tolerated it longer than I should have but I was biased in thinking that I would be able to change a person.
I believe that people do have the power to influence others to change, but only if the other person has a growth mindset and is willing to change. This means they have to see that they do indeed have flaws and are willing to make goals to accomplish.
He always complained about being out of shape and overweight. I always suggested going to walk in the park or going to the gym. These ideas were always shot down with a lame excuse of "I'm too tired" or "Maybe tomorrow" or "I can't do that by myself!"
He complained about having no money but would always spend frivolously on non-essential things. I swear that man is about as bad as the government when it comes to a budget. I typically had to bail him out on things A LOT. I was guilty of being an enabler.
The worst thing you can do for someone who should change but won't is to enable them to continue their behaviors. Its almost like giving a drug addict a pound of their drug of choice and saying "go for it! hope you don't overdose!" It can be hard to say "no" to those we care about but if we really care about a person you must do exactly that. My dad once told me that people don't change unless they are made uncomfortable. Being told "no" or not getting something they want makes a person really uncomfortable. Being forced to face a reality makes people really uncomfortable.
Seeing myself gain weight while in that relationship made me really uncomfortable. Part of it was due to the fact that I was on a drug holiday since I couldn't afford my vyvanse, but the other part was emotional eating from being in an emotionally abusive and manipulative relationship.
On October 25th, 2017 I finally got into see a doctor after being on a wait list for new patients since March, 2017. I was at my heaviest, I hate seeing the number but I'm going to share it because it will be a reminder of where I was and where I don't want to be at EVER again. I was 284lbs, my doctor was concerned for several things but was very understanding when I explained my situation and agreed to wait on tests until I got back on my medication and worked on losing the weight more.
Flash forward through Halloween AND Thanksgiving. I try to go to the gym everyday after work. I volunteer as much as I can at the animal shelter on Saturdays which is a work out in and of itself when you're cleaning kennels. I have lost 10 lbs (yes, through the holiday too!) and am looking forward to continuing my progress in the new year.
I suppose the point of this post is that change is hard, it does not come easy, and you have to work for it. You will be uncomfortable when you realize that you have to make a change but when you do realize it and you see how much happier you can be when you work towards a change it will be worth it. Even if you are on the spectrum and absolutely hate changes in routines and schedules.
Happy Holidays Everyone, love each other and support one another no matter what.
