It is November 29th, 2017....just in case you live under a rock, have no technological device, or way to access this information.
I've been working as a music therapist for about a year and a half. I started this blog when I was in internship. Obviously, I'm really bad at blogging- hahaha
Anyways, during that year and a half I was in a really unhealthy relationship. I don't know why I am talking about it here, I guess you could say this counts as a sort of online diary...that everyone can read. But I want people to know my story so they do not go down the same path I did.
I feel that in today's world there is so much pressure to be in a relationship that if you are not in one you are a failure or something. Don't get me wrong, relationships are wonderful things to be in if it is a positive healthy relationship that allows for growth and development. However I think society wants things to rush so quickly these days and unfortunately thats exactly what happened to me.
New relationships (romantic or otherwise) are exciting and can be very fun, but should be nurtured like a seedling. Each person plants roots in your life and you don't want to fertilize it and water it so much that you can't even tell what kind of plant you're getting.
I was almost in a relationship for a whole year (that would be my longest, thank you very much) I gave the guy WAY too many second chances to redeem himself from things he would say or do. I was an emotional wreck and I gained a lot of weight because he was not into eating healthy and well, I'm an emotional eater.
I was not happy and I would frequently call my parents or friends in tears because of something that he said or did. Why I didn't see that as a red flag before, I don't know. In hindsight I shouldn't have tolerated it longer than I should have but I was biased in thinking that I would be able to change a person.
I believe that people do have the power to influence others to change, but only if the other person has a growth mindset and is willing to change. This means they have to see that they do indeed have flaws and are willing to make goals to accomplish.
He always complained about being out of shape and overweight. I always suggested going to walk in the park or going to the gym. These ideas were always shot down with a lame excuse of "I'm too tired" or "Maybe tomorrow" or "I can't do that by myself!"
He complained about having no money but would always spend frivolously on non-essential things. I swear that man is about as bad as the government when it comes to a budget. I typically had to bail him out on things A LOT. I was guilty of being an enabler.
The worst thing you can do for someone who should change but won't is to enable them to continue their behaviors. Its almost like giving a drug addict a pound of their drug of choice and saying "go for it! hope you don't overdose!" It can be hard to say "no" to those we care about but if we really care about a person you must do exactly that. My dad once told me that people don't change unless they are made uncomfortable. Being told "no" or not getting something they want makes a person really uncomfortable. Being forced to face a reality makes people really uncomfortable.
Seeing myself gain weight while in that relationship made me really uncomfortable. Part of it was due to the fact that I was on a drug holiday since I couldn't afford my vyvanse, but the other part was emotional eating from being in an emotionally abusive and manipulative relationship.
On October 25th, 2017 I finally got into see a doctor after being on a wait list for new patients since March, 2017. I was at my heaviest, I hate seeing the number but I'm going to share it because it will be a reminder of where I was and where I don't want to be at EVER again. I was 284lbs, my doctor was concerned for several things but was very understanding when I explained my situation and agreed to wait on tests until I got back on my medication and worked on losing the weight more.
Flash forward through Halloween AND Thanksgiving. I try to go to the gym everyday after work. I volunteer as much as I can at the animal shelter on Saturdays which is a work out in and of itself when you're cleaning kennels. I have lost 10 lbs (yes, through the holiday too!) and am looking forward to continuing my progress in the new year.
I suppose the point of this post is that change is hard, it does not come easy, and you have to work for it. You will be uncomfortable when you realize that you have to make a change but when you do realize it and you see how much happier you can be when you work towards a change it will be worth it. Even if you are on the spectrum and absolutely hate changes in routines and schedules.
Happy Holidays Everyone, love each other and support one another no matter what.
Wednesday, November 29, 2017
Sunday, November 27, 2016
Following the Rules
Recently a woman posted a video online of her son Caleb who has Autism at his school play. The video is brief and shows a teacher taking the microphone away (seemingly) before Caleb has the chance to speak. Caleb shouts "Oh No" and cries briefly before the video is cut off.
Having been in his shoes I understand how exciting it is to be in front of others but at the same time I felt there was something missing. Turns out from other reports the mother didn't sign a permission slip for him to be in play nor did she take him to rehearsals.
Regardless of what happened I wanted to see the whole thing and decide for myself what was "fair."
High functioning children on the spectrum usually are very strict rule followers, the like routine and consistency. I did not see this in Caleb at all, what I saw is a child who probably does not have strict rules at home and is allowed to get away with stuff because he is on the spectrum.
I know and have seen first hand that children on the spectrum can follow the rules when firm limits and boundaries are set. These children are the ultimate rule testers and will push to see how much they can get away with until they have full reign.
It is OKAY to set limits, children (all children, not just ASD kids) crave rules and limits. It teaches them safety skills, social skills, and many others as well.
I did not realize this until the final weeks of my internship and my group sessions went a lot better once I had rules in place and adhered to those rules.
Do not be afraid to say "no" (but preferably in a different wording) to your child. They need to hear that.
Tell your child what they can do, but don't tell them if it is not adhering to the rules in place.
Follow the rules and you will be successful.
Having been in his shoes I understand how exciting it is to be in front of others but at the same time I felt there was something missing. Turns out from other reports the mother didn't sign a permission slip for him to be in play nor did she take him to rehearsals.
Regardless of what happened I wanted to see the whole thing and decide for myself what was "fair."
That is the full 12 minute play.
In the video I saw each child having one turn up at the microphone, patiently waiting their turn, and adhering to the rules of the play. High functioning children on the spectrum usually are very strict rule followers, the like routine and consistency. I did not see this in Caleb at all, what I saw is a child who probably does not have strict rules at home and is allowed to get away with stuff because he is on the spectrum.
I know and have seen first hand that children on the spectrum can follow the rules when firm limits and boundaries are set. These children are the ultimate rule testers and will push to see how much they can get away with until they have full reign.
It is OKAY to set limits, children (all children, not just ASD kids) crave rules and limits. It teaches them safety skills, social skills, and many others as well.
I did not realize this until the final weeks of my internship and my group sessions went a lot better once I had rules in place and adhered to those rules.
Do not be afraid to say "no" (but preferably in a different wording) to your child. They need to hear that.
Tell your child what they can do, but don't tell them if it is not adhering to the rules in place.
Follow the rules and you will be successful.
Thursday, November 3, 2016
To Stim or Not to Stim that is the Question
If you live in the United States and are reading this you may have heard that the Chicago Cubs won the World Series last night after a 108 year draught of losing or coming really really close.
My father once told me that if you really want to be able to talk to other people then you need to watch sports, even if you don't like to. Sports are a commonality that can bring people together to have a conversation- "Hey, I'm Alex. Did you catch the game last night? Can you believe so and so threw the first pitch?! What did you think? Who do you root for?"
I never was very big into baseball until this year. I would prefer to play a sport than watch, but this year was different. Besides my godmother being a huge fan of the Cubs and imparting that on me the last guy that I dated was a Cubs fan so I watched the games to have something to talk to him about. In May I got to go watch the Cubs play the Phillies in the Friendly Confines for the very first time. That experience kicked my obsession with Cubs baseball into high gear, and if you know anything about Spectrum Obsessions you know this burns with the passion of a thousand suns.
My father once told me that if you really want to be able to talk to other people then you need to watch sports, even if you don't like to. Sports are a commonality that can bring people together to have a conversation- "Hey, I'm Alex. Did you catch the game last night? Can you believe so and so threw the first pitch?! What did you think? Who do you root for?"
This brings me to the point of this blog- stimming. Stimming, a word which here means, a repetition of movement, sounds, or movement of objects common in individuals with developmental disabilities, but most prevalent in individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorders. Essentially, stimming is a form of self regulation, not just for ASD individuals but for everyone. We ALL stim it even if we don't realize that we do. In sports it is seen in many different ways and you can usually catch the most obvious individuals being filmed on the jumbo screen. I realized that my stim behaviors have increased the more I watch sports.
As I mentioned before when an individual stims they are doing it for a reason, trying to get sensory input in or release energy they have to create homeostasis. Last night in the world series game you saw people shaking their hands, clenching their fists, holding their faces, jumping up and down, screaming, and many other things. If you don't watch sports you could see it in the community, schools, or at work. The leg jiggler, the pencil tapper, the hair twirler, the person who always needs to chew on a piece of gum. Those behaviors help people focus on a task or release excess energy.
I realized that when I am excited I do my "Happy Aspie Dance," basically I jump from one leg to another (if I'm standing) and do something with my hands. I've never done this before because pretty much every team that I ever followed consistently (high school football, Emporia athletics, KU Football-before I was into KU basketball) lost all the time and I was too busy playing my piccolo to care deeply. When I do this it is my way of showing people that I am really excited about something without having to talk about it and get all the excited energy out. It helps me calm down because excitement is such a powerful emotion and energy. When I'm nervous I need to pace or squeeze things and get proprioceptive input, much like Temple Grandin's hugging machine.
These behaviors are not bad things, its part of who I am and it can be contagious if you get past the fact that I'm a 26 year old doing odd movements when I'm excited or nervous.
If you or your child has stimming behaviors and it is not interfering with their ability to complete a task don't try to stop it. It is their way of creating homeostasis in their brain so they can function. So while this is my opinion and you will probably do whatever you want to in the debate of To Stim or Not to Stim that is my answer. Be who you are and don't let others judge you for trying to show your emotions.
Congratulations to my Cubbies on a very well played season, you deserve to Fly the W! I hope to see you in the spring for more baseball action. Also it is my dream to sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" at Wrigley field with my guitar to advocate for music therapy and Autism Spectrum Disorders...so if you're reading this and you have connections let me know :)
Also check out this sweet Eddie Vedder music video of All The Way
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iQWbKqFVoeQ
Monday, July 25, 2016
Just a Note-Patience, Empathy, Understanding
I typically avoid commenting on anything terribly controversial as I believe that the way people learn is by listening to both sides of the story and not being quick to judge, however with recent events in our country I must speak out.
If you haven't heard, a police officer in Miami recently shot at a man with Autism outside of the group home he lived at. As I have just began my career as a music therapist and have an Autism Spectrum Disorder myself I feel that America has become overly judgmental and it needs to stop.
In a world where we are surrounded by technology and are able to get everything now we as a society need to remember one of life's great virtues. That virtue being patience.
This ties into empathy and being able to put yourself in someone else's shoes. I feel that being on the spectrum gives me an extra dose of empathy because it took literally years before I discovered it and was able to connect to others. With this I also learned patience and I hope that when people took the time to be my friend and learn about me they learned patience as well.
Take the time to learn what someone is feeling, listen to their story or why they are feeling that way, and ask if you can do anything to help that person. This is the foundations of empathy and being able to develop a positive relationship with someone successfully.
After seeing all the stories in the news I think the tying factor between all of them is being too quick to assume that something bad is happening and acting before asking. When you act before you ask you make mistakes. It is impulse control, cause and effect, whatever you may want to label it.
Even if you don't agree with someone that doesn't mean you can not be their friend or kind toward them. Being different is what makes life interesting. Learning about what others care about and taking interest in them makes relationships last. Taking time to talk and connect shows others you care.
As an individual who is very observant and reluctant to interact frequently I am going to take my move to a new city and a new job as an opportunity to show people that communicating in person and learning about each other is not a bad or scary thing. Be kind to one another.
If you haven't heard, a police officer in Miami recently shot at a man with Autism outside of the group home he lived at. As I have just began my career as a music therapist and have an Autism Spectrum Disorder myself I feel that America has become overly judgmental and it needs to stop.
In a world where we are surrounded by technology and are able to get everything now we as a society need to remember one of life's great virtues. That virtue being patience.
This ties into empathy and being able to put yourself in someone else's shoes. I feel that being on the spectrum gives me an extra dose of empathy because it took literally years before I discovered it and was able to connect to others. With this I also learned patience and I hope that when people took the time to be my friend and learn about me they learned patience as well.
Take the time to learn what someone is feeling, listen to their story or why they are feeling that way, and ask if you can do anything to help that person. This is the foundations of empathy and being able to develop a positive relationship with someone successfully.
After seeing all the stories in the news I think the tying factor between all of them is being too quick to assume that something bad is happening and acting before asking. When you act before you ask you make mistakes. It is impulse control, cause and effect, whatever you may want to label it.
Even if you don't agree with someone that doesn't mean you can not be their friend or kind toward them. Being different is what makes life interesting. Learning about what others care about and taking interest in them makes relationships last. Taking time to talk and connect shows others you care.
As an individual who is very observant and reluctant to interact frequently I am going to take my move to a new city and a new job as an opportunity to show people that communicating in person and learning about each other is not a bad or scary thing. Be kind to one another.
Wednesday, June 22, 2016
Using Music With Emotions- Another Inside Out Intervention
If I haven't said this before I LOVE Pixar's Inside Out movie. I think it is a brilliant way to approach emotional expression and recognition with all individuals, especially children.
Frequently individuals with ASD have a hard time recognizing not only the emotions of others but of themselves as well. This can be very frustrating and could lead to behaviors because they are feeling something but do not know what it is or how to express it.
My younger brother has been dancing ballet since he was six years old. Despite some of the familiar music, I hated being drug to his performances. My mom asked me why I didn't like it and I told her, "There aren't any words, why can't there be words." Her explanation was that ballet didn't have words. In retrospect I realize that I did not like going because despite the obvious emotional changes in the music, I didn't understand that the dancers were communicating through their body language and facial expressions.
I recently came across an Inside Out board game of emotions and adapted it to use in music therapy sessions. Thus far, all of the clients have loved playing it to learn about the different emotions and has also helped teach good sportsmanship.
The game itself is very similar to "Candy Land" but with some twists. You can download the templates below.
Board Game & Cards
I created my own rules (see below) to adapt for music therapy, however you can play it however you want to. To create "wild cards" I used the PDF reader on my mac (preview), created white squares to go over the original pictures on the cards and typed "Move to closest wild spot" on the white squares. I printed one sheet of "wild cards" in addition to the suggested amount to print out.
I do recommend printing on card stock if you have it available otherwise you will be able to see through. If you do not have card stock (like myself), you can glue an additional piece of paper on the back of the cards before cutting out and laminating.
Adapted Rules, Game Pieces, and Emotion Cards (PDF file)
Adapted Rules, Game Pieces, and Emotion Cards (Microsoft Word)
My rules are quite similar to the original with only a few modifications, I added a black spot and a "wild spot" (gray square) to help address multiple areas of emotion recognition and expression. You could also change I colored the cards to correspond with the colors on the game board and made two "wild" emotion cards. For the wild emotion cards, I used all the colors I had used for the other cards combined.
In the rules I created I have the next player guess what emotion is being displayed before receiving a turn. However, I have found the groups I've used this with will all guess out loud. If they are unable to guess the emotion, have the person displaying the emotion provide a hint (I usually have them say what the first letter of the word is). Additionally, you do not have to use an instrument for the client to portray the emotion, it could be an excellent way to facilitate reading non-verbal communication and body language.
Frequently individuals with ASD have a hard time recognizing not only the emotions of others but of themselves as well. This can be very frustrating and could lead to behaviors because they are feeling something but do not know what it is or how to express it.
My younger brother has been dancing ballet since he was six years old. Despite some of the familiar music, I hated being drug to his performances. My mom asked me why I didn't like it and I told her, "There aren't any words, why can't there be words." Her explanation was that ballet didn't have words. In retrospect I realize that I did not like going because despite the obvious emotional changes in the music, I didn't understand that the dancers were communicating through their body language and facial expressions.
I recently came across an Inside Out board game of emotions and adapted it to use in music therapy sessions. Thus far, all of the clients have loved playing it to learn about the different emotions and has also helped teach good sportsmanship.
The game itself is very similar to "Candy Land" but with some twists. You can download the templates below.
Board Game & Cards
I created my own rules (see below) to adapt for music therapy, however you can play it however you want to. To create "wild cards" I used the PDF reader on my mac (preview), created white squares to go over the original pictures on the cards and typed "Move to closest wild spot" on the white squares. I printed one sheet of "wild cards" in addition to the suggested amount to print out.
I do recommend printing on card stock if you have it available otherwise you will be able to see through. If you do not have card stock (like myself), you can glue an additional piece of paper on the back of the cards before cutting out and laminating.
Adapted Rules, Game Pieces, and Emotion Cards (PDF file)
Adapted Rules, Game Pieces, and Emotion Cards (Microsoft Word)
My rules are quite similar to the original with only a few modifications, I added a black spot and a "wild spot" (gray square) to help address multiple areas of emotion recognition and expression. You could also change I colored the cards to correspond with the colors on the game board and made two "wild" emotion cards. For the wild emotion cards, I used all the colors I had used for the other cards combined.
In the rules I created I have the next player guess what emotion is being displayed before receiving a turn. However, I have found the groups I've used this with will all guess out loud. If they are unable to guess the emotion, have the person displaying the emotion provide a hint (I usually have them say what the first letter of the word is). Additionally, you do not have to use an instrument for the client to portray the emotion, it could be an excellent way to facilitate reading non-verbal communication and body language.
Yellow Emotions- Happy, Energetic, Excited
Purple Emotions- Nervous, Upset, Scared
Red Emotions- Frustrated, Angry, Mad
Blue Emotions- Lonely, Sad, Tired
Pink Emotions- Silly, Goofy, Funny
Green Emotions- Disgusted, Jealous, Sick
For the wild emotion card, I created a playlist of instrumental music so lyrics would not interfere with the groups interpretation of the emotion. You can create the playlist through any song playing system, but I used Apple Music. I will insert a shameless plug for Apple Music as I have used it frequently in my practice. If you do not like the playlist I have created you can by all means create your own, these were the pieces I felt were quite obvious to figure out as well as my interpretations of what a potential emotion a person could experience while listening to it.
-The Typewriter, Leroy Anderson (happy, energetic)
-Bugler's Holiday, United States Air Force Band (happy, energetic)
-Shark Attack, John Williams (scared)
-Adagio for Strings, Samuel Barber (sad)
-Ride of the Valkyries, Richard Wagner (scared)
-Nocturne No. 2 in E-Flat Major, Op. 9, Frederic Chopin (calm, sad)
-Carmina Burana: O Fortuna, Carl Orff (scared, mad)
-The Planets, Op. 32: Jupiter, The Bringer of Jollity, Gustav Holst (excited, happy)
-Hungarian Dance No. 5 in G minor, Johannes Brahms (excited, scared, anxious)
-Swan Lake Suite, Op. 20: Scéne, Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky (sad, scared, tired)
-Overture to Candide, Leonard Bernstein (excited, happy)
-Surprise Symphony, Franz Joseph Haydn (calm, surprised)
-Prelude 7, Op. 28, Frederic Chopin (calm, tired)
-Toccata and Fugue in D minor, BWV 565, Johann Sebastian Bach (scared, nervous)
-The Batman Theme, Danny Elfman (scared, brave, tired)
-Vespertilio, Hans Zimmer (scared, tired)
-E.T. Flying Theme, John Williams (happy, excited, energetic)
-Piano Sonata No. 11 in A, 1.Tema (Andante Grazioso), Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (calm, sad, happy, tired)
-Piano Sonata No. 11. in A, Rondo: Alla Turca, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (energetic, happy, sad, calm)
-Main Title from Game of Thrones, Ramin Djawadi (brave, scared)
-Part 1 (Adoration of the Earth): II. The Augurs of Spring/Dances of the Young Girls, Igor Stravinsky (scared, energetic)
-Gymnopédie No. 1, Erik Satie (calm, sad, tired)
-Le Carnaval Des Animaux: Aquarium, Camille Saint-Saëns (calm, happy, relaxed, sad, tired)
-The Moldau, Bedrich Smetana (calm, dizzy, sad)
-Thunder and Blazes, Julius Fucik, (happy, excited, silly)
-March Op. 99, Sergei Prokofiev (happy, excited)
-The Stars and Stripes Forever, John Phillip Sousa (brave, excited, happy, patriotic)
-Colonel Bogey, Kenneth J. Alford (happy)
-Country Gardens, Percy Aldridge Grainger (happy, calm)
Have fun! I'd love to hear if you try it in the comments!
"Where words fail, music speaks."-Hans Christian Anderson
Rock Brain vs. Flexibrain- Dealing with the Unknown and "Rolling with the Punches"
One of the defining characteristics of an individual with an ASD is their ability to flourish in a structured and predictable setting. This could be considered their biggest strength as well as a major weakness. Individuals with ASD appreciate routine and knowing what to expect next. Speaking from experience, not knowing what will or may happen may cause anxiety that interferes with social skills that may have been developed with years of therapy.
I know that for me, the social skills groups I went to focused on what I could say in conversation, conversation starters, keeping a conversation going, and creating scenarios to practice in. I am also an avid fan of playing the Sims and think that it helped me practice those skills, albeit with a computer, when I was not at school or in a social environment. As I've aged, I will still go over and over different ways things may play out depending on what I say, how another person responds, or what the environment will be like.
Neurotypicals may have some of that playing in their heads or a little anxiety about the unknown as well but I believe that for the ASD individual it can be intensified to a whole different level. In order for anyone to feel safe there must be trust. Trust of others and the environment itself. Spiritual individuals sometimes trust that a higher being is in control and everything will end positively if they believe. For a concrete and logical thinker on the spectrum this could be very challenging to picture.
There are two types of ways for anyone to react to the unpredictable. You can have a "rock brain" towards a situation where you want to be in control regardless of how others are feeling about it or you can have a "flexibrain." Flexibrain is, simply put, being okay with others thoughts and ideas and working together to get a job done.
While those examples are more towards social interactions and group work, the same can be applied to any situation. If your routine is off because your friend couldn't come over, the cafeteria changed taco Tuesday to Thursday, or you're running late because of traffic. It is important to help your child/client/self to think "is this a big deal or a little deal."
Most of the time, it is a little deal and we just make it into a big deal by over analyzing all the potential outcomes, most of which (at least for me) end up with someone being mad at me or getting me into trouble. I work really hard to help myself and the individuals I work with plan with a positive outlook towards an outcome. It is helpful for us to predict what will happen, however it should not be getting in the way of social interactions.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/aspergers-diary/201403/using-structure-help-autistic-kids-build-flexibility
An activity you can try is to have different squishy fidgets (like water balls, putty, etc.) and some harder items or rocks. Identify which item is more enjoyable to play with. What item would hurt the most if someone threw it? What can you do to be more flexible like the fidgets?
I know that for me, the social skills groups I went to focused on what I could say in conversation, conversation starters, keeping a conversation going, and creating scenarios to practice in. I am also an avid fan of playing the Sims and think that it helped me practice those skills, albeit with a computer, when I was not at school or in a social environment. As I've aged, I will still go over and over different ways things may play out depending on what I say, how another person responds, or what the environment will be like.
Neurotypicals may have some of that playing in their heads or a little anxiety about the unknown as well but I believe that for the ASD individual it can be intensified to a whole different level. In order for anyone to feel safe there must be trust. Trust of others and the environment itself. Spiritual individuals sometimes trust that a higher being is in control and everything will end positively if they believe. For a concrete and logical thinker on the spectrum this could be very challenging to picture.
There are two types of ways for anyone to react to the unpredictable. You can have a "rock brain" towards a situation where you want to be in control regardless of how others are feeling about it or you can have a "flexibrain." Flexibrain is, simply put, being okay with others thoughts and ideas and working together to get a job done.
While those examples are more towards social interactions and group work, the same can be applied to any situation. If your routine is off because your friend couldn't come over, the cafeteria changed taco Tuesday to Thursday, or you're running late because of traffic. It is important to help your child/client/self to think "is this a big deal or a little deal."
Most of the time, it is a little deal and we just make it into a big deal by over analyzing all the potential outcomes, most of which (at least for me) end up with someone being mad at me or getting me into trouble. I work really hard to help myself and the individuals I work with plan with a positive outlook towards an outcome. It is helpful for us to predict what will happen, however it should not be getting in the way of social interactions.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/aspergers-diary/201403/using-structure-help-autistic-kids-build-flexibility
An activity you can try is to have different squishy fidgets (like water balls, putty, etc.) and some harder items or rocks. Identify which item is more enjoyable to play with. What item would hurt the most if someone threw it? What can you do to be more flexible like the fidgets?
Saturday, April 30, 2016
Aspergers and Love
I apologize in advance for the lack of music therapy in this post. I also want to share my most recent idea regarding a potential Youtube vlog series. I LOVE TO COOK & BAKE THINGS. Its like chemistry but you can eat it and if all goes well it will not blow up. My supervisor recently told me I should do a series on the recipes that I come up with to help parents and their children develop meal plans and such. Cooking is a highly sensory experience and I feel that many children on the spectrum may be more inclined to eat things when they put the effort into making it.
I should also mention that if you are currently in a relationship with an individual on the spectrum or you are considering starting a relationship go for it. Part of life is taking risks and having new experiences. You could learn so much about yourself in addition to the individual when you take the time to get to know someone and hear what they have to say.
Now that the announcement is out of the way, I shall move onto my point.
November of 2014 my friend was doing her internship across the country and came back for homecoming to surprise everyone. I was ecstatic and cried. I was also in the midst of applying for internships myself and trying to find love on those online dating sites. I expressed to her my frustration in those sites, not that they don't work but I had no luck, and she was telling me about her distant cousin who lived in Chicago. She showed me his Facebook picture. He was standing next to the Stanley cup, he had a beard and I was totally smitten. I "obsessed" over the idea of being with him for a while and eventually let it go a bit as I got more 'hits' on the dating sites. However the idea never left my head completely.
She mentioned it again in August of 2015 after this guy I had been talking to from yet another dating site turned out to be a real jerk. I would ask her to talk to him for me periodically and she would say she would but never really did sort of thing. She went to visit him in Chicago in January and I told her again to talk to him for me. She told me that he had just had a date on New Years Eve and I was crushed. The week of January 29th, I ask my friend again to talk to him for me so she did and I get a message from him.
That brings me to today. I have never been more happy with any relationship I have had in the past. However I am always trying to keep myself in check because being in a relationship when you have Aspergers can be really challenging for both parties. The individual with Aspergers may need a lot of reassurance because they have a hard time reading their partner. They may be completely oblivious to something they have done wrong and won't know how to fix it until their partner points it out to them or tell them directly.
A relationship with an individual with Aspergers can also be immensely rewarding for the NT partner. An individual with Aspergers can be tremendously loyal to their partner and their family. They may call things as they see which is exactly what the other needs at the time. They may push themselves outside their comfort zone because they want to be with that individual.
Being in love when you are on the spectrum can be one of the most confusing things. However it is also greatly rewarding and I for one am very glad that I have the opportunity to be with someone who is understanding and supportive of myself as a person on the spectrum.
I should also mention that if you are currently in a relationship with an individual on the spectrum or you are considering starting a relationship go for it. Part of life is taking risks and having new experiences. You could learn so much about yourself in addition to the individual when you take the time to get to know someone and hear what they have to say.
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